Last week we had the heartbreaking experience of a miscarriage.
I now understand the depth of sorrow that comes alongside losing a baby before getting to hold them in my arms. Before now, I didn’t quite get it…I wasn’t sure how to comfort or mourn with friends who had miscarriages. The immediate and intense connection a mom feels upon knowing there’s a baby growing inside her; The joy that is stripped away and replaced with grief; The physical pain that is a constant reminder of loss…all of these being hardships that a miscarriage brings.
We had just found out we were pregnant the week before and planned on telling our families over FaceTime on Thanksgiving. We were so excited and I even let the secret slip to a few friends here in Nairobi.
On Monday I felt weird all day. I struggled through a staff meeting, trying to dismiss my pain as normal. On the way home, the pain intensified, so we changed plans and headed straight to the hospital. It was 5:30pm, in the heart of Nairobi rush hour. It took us a grueling 45 minutes to drive the 4.4 miles from our meeting location to the Emergency Room.
After pain meds and an ultrasound, it was determined that I actually had an “ectopic pregnancy.” The baby was healthy, just implanted in the wrong place, making it both impossible for growth and dangerous for my health. We had two options: remove the baby through surgery, or stop him/her from growing via Chemotherapy. Either way, it was ultimately one difficult choice: to end the pregnancy.
With the doctor’s recommendation, we chose Chemotherapy. I was admitted that night and given the medicine, and was monitored throughout the night and next day. If the chemo doesn’t work, surgery is the back up plan. (We find out this week if it worked). The meds make me really tired and a bit nauseous…again, reminders of the heartbreak we are walking through.
I am still mourning the loss of our baby. In a way, I think sharing our story here helps heal my heart. We are praying for God to guide us in how to grieve and how to move forward. It’s times like these that makes the distance from our families most difficult. However, we are thankful for our Nairobi friends and community who have comforted us through hospital visits, meals and prayer.
Continue to pray for us as we process our loss and lean on the Lord, who is faithful, loves us and hears our cries.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
– 2nd Corinthians 1:3-5